Member Security and Rules of Decorum

Phi Epsilon Mu has certain security rules that protect all involved. When a non-member or new member asks to visit one of our meetings, she is interviewed by one of the members of the chapter's leadership. The interview may be by phone or in person, depending upon the circumstances. The interview is informal and is held in strict confidence. If you are an experienced crossdresser, you are well aware that another experienced crossdresser can usually draw accurate conclusions about another's sincerity and general situation during such an interview. It has been said that we all seem to have had many of the same feelings and experiences. Simply put, an experienced crossdresser can generally distinguish between a non-crossdressing troublemaker trying to gain access to our meetings and a true crossdresser seeking to join our group or visit one of our meetings.

You will be required to identify yourself to participate in our activities. Your true identity will be held in strict confidence and shared with no one in the group except the leadership. Records are closely protected. We shred our notes and outdated materials. Someone coming across our member ship records in our files would not know what they pertain to. After the interview you are known only by your femme name. Your spouse who attends should also adopt a meeting name.

In return, we expect the same care and respect for our privacy from you. The meeting site is not announced publicly. We meet in a public setting but try to avoid problems by only telling invited guests exactly where we meet. When you have been interviewed and we are satisfied with your sincerity, you will be given the exact location of the meeting.

When a prospective member visits a meeting for the first time or some one from another city arranges to attend a meeting as occasionally happens, we will require that they fill out a form either in advance or upon arrival at the meeting. The form is, in fact, this section of our membership materials. We expect all new attendees to sign that they have read and understand these rules. This is our way of emphasizing the importance we assign to these rules and the expectations we have of all new attendees with regard to security.

Just in case there is any confusion about what happens at our meetings, let me clarify. We are a non-sexual social and support group. Our members enjoy expressing the feminine side of their personality. They spend the evening dressed as ladies, acting like ladies, and in the company of ladies. No sex of any kind occurs--ever. We are not a fetish group. If you are into lingerie, wear it at home. If you are looking for friendship and support, you've found the right place. If you're looking for kink, that's not what we are about.

Here are our security rules:

1. Never divulge the identity of a member or guest to a third party without permission, even if you think it will be OK. YOU may feel it is OK to be "out". Others may or may not agree with you but may not have the freedom to be out. Any member who divulges the identity of another to a third party is not welcome. It is very important to understand that in the past we have heard of a few problems in other groups which have occurred when one member divulged information about another member to someone else. In every case this was unintentional and based on the incorrect assumption that the member whose security was compromised was more open about her crossdressing than was actually the case. Names, addresses and phone numbers are NEVER to be given out to anyone about someone else for any reason.

2. We strongly urge you to establish a "femme name" and set up a post office box or mail drop in that name. Give it out sparingly. If you give out your true name and address, do so at your own risk. Notify your post office to accept all mail sent to that address otherwise they will only accept exact names you have given them. If you use a mail drop such as Mail Boxes Etc., do the same.

3. We strongly urge you to establish a "femme E-mail address" and never give out your real E-mail address to anyone. If you do, you do so at your own risk. If you have a femme E-mail address and give it to the chapter, it may be published in our newsletter or elsewhere with your permission. Do not give us an E-mail address if you don't want it published and if you cannot receive crossdressing related E-mail there. Assume that you will receive E-mail pertaining to crossdressing. In the past, we have received E-mail from members and prospective members that clearly was their office E-mail server. NEVER receive crossdressing related E-mail at your office. Once that address is "out", you cannot stop the flow of crossdressing related email.

4. Never divulge information about a fellow member or a guest to another. Saying, "She's a Deputy Sheriff" or "She's a Realtor" might be just the bit of information that will do harm to the member.

5. Never tell a third party the location of a meeting. Everyone MUST go through the screening process and be given this information by our group's leader. Let me repeat that: Our meeting location is secret! Why? So that members are not targeted by bashers or so individuals who do not agree without lifestyle do not show up to cause a problem. In the past, one well intentioned visitor from another Tri Ess chapter showed up after being interviewed, had a great time, then wrote an article for a crossdresser magazine about how great a time she had. She even told the name of the hotel we meet in and the day of the month we meet! Don't let your enthusiasm get the best of you. Keep the meeting place secret.

6. If you want to bring a guest to a meeting, contact one of our leaders first. Don't wait until the very last minute to do this. We can't always get back to you immediately. You must be willing to vouch for your guest. Don't invite someone you just met. A security interview will be required for guests.

7. Since we meet in a public hotel frequented by families, we expect members to dress and act accordingly. Our members and guests do not dress or act like hookers. We have decided not to be "fashion police" but if you want to feel welcome, you need to know what the group expects.

8. We do not partake of the hotel facilities en femme. Unless you live full time en femme and pass totally, we do not endorse our members or guests using the hotel pool or other recreational facilities. Understand that while you may be on vacation and may be a thousand miles from home, this is not only our community but this hotel has welcomed us and protected us for several years. We return that support by respecting the rights of the other guests and management. They have not imposed this rule on us but we know that in some cities problems have occurred in this regard. Being located very close to the several major theme parks, our hotel meeting place has many children as guests and we respect the hotel's need to remain family-oriented. We agree that transgendered people have the right to dress as they please when and where they please and we know that some may strongly object to this policy. Having a right and exercising a right are two different things. The well being of this group must supersede the well being of individual members in this instance.

9. We rent a large hotel suite for our members' use. Therefore, there is no need for any member or guest to use public rest rooms outside the hotel suite on the hotel property. What you do off the hotel property is your business. If you are a visitor to central Florida, be aware that you are in one of the most conservative parts of the country and you may be arrested if you use a toilet that is not designated for your birth gender. If you attend the Friday evening dinner which is held in another hotel, ask the group leader about rest rooms. A Ladies Room is set aside for our use and we are welcome to use that specific Ladies Room.

10. We strongly suggest that you not make contact with hotel guests, particularly children. The hotel is very tolerant of us but this is a very conservative area and the hotel often houses many children, school groups, church groups, etc. Any contact that could be misunderstood must be avoided. We occasionally have members who are "read" by teenagers who linger in the motel's corridors. Some have proudly told us of how they engaged the kids in conversation to explain why they are crossdressed. We strongly urge you to avoid this conversation. Sooner or later it will be misunderstood. This hotel seems to be a magnet for conservative Christian groups attending theme parks and if one of the chaperones overhears your conversation with one of their kids, the ramifications to yourself and to the group could be devastating.

11. At our meetings, each guest brings her own beverage. The group provides soft drinks, as well. Alcohol is not encouraged. We ask that you understand that a higher percentage of crossdressers than the general public have difficulty handling alcohol due to the psychological pressures that gender confusion places on some people. Since some of our members may be avoiding alcohol, we ask that if you must drink, you do it in moderation and with discretion. We do not offer or encourage a "bar" for this reason. Let me also note that if you drink, you should not drive. We have had one member arrested for DWI while dressed. We have had many members stopped for traffic violations while returning home. Besides an occasional speeding ticket, those who were sober had no serious problems while the one who had been drinking and driving while crossdressed could have had a very serious personal security situation to deal with.

12. There is a meeting fee of $10 per attendee to pay for the room. Wives and partners pay a $5 fee. Attendees also bring some item of food to share. One member prepares the main course and others bring a side dish. Those who travel long distances and cannot bring a prepared dish usually bring snacks such as chips and dip, crackers and cheese, etc. What to bring? Here's a suggestion. Stop at a deli (there's a Publix Market across the street from our meeting place to the rear of the shopping plaza) and get potato, macaroni, fruit, or pasta salad. Or stop at an Olive Garden and get a salad for eight to go. Some bring cheese and crackers to hold us over until dinner. Others bring a small shrimp ring, a veggie plate (for us dieters), etc. Still others bring a pie, cake or pastries for desert. Remember that everyone can't bring chips. It's easy, but it doesn't make a great dinner! Most members try to bring something different each time. Bring something. When you arrive at a meeting, check in with the Treasurer and pay your meeting fee.

13. Our meetings include a discussion session where topics pertaining to crossdressing are addressed. Specifics of the discussions--exactly who said what or who carries what heavy baggage--is strictly confidential and must remain private.

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